Flyover

my life’s last theory 1st prof send up is over (i HOPE). finally! abt a month and 5-6 days later i’ll be finishing with my finals too . anyway. what an amazing experience this one was. weirdly enough, i didnt leave any topic completely, and thanx to my few sleeping hrs, SORT OF managed to go through almost all the topics. and though it was hard, to speak the truth, i loved it, i loved every bit of it. i love pressure situations, though this one reminds me of last year january, that fantastic peak, which was followed by an absolute ‘give up’ stage as i got soooooo tired after that fateful weekend and had an academic break down.

vaise i was wondering whether everbody goes through such stages during exam times, since i personally never had it so hard before. but i guess, eventually everybody has to go through such times during exams when you become a collegiate.

presently i am in a fulltu give up stage. i have barely slept for almost a week now: i write 3 hrs of exam everyday, then study for 14-16 hrs, waste time for around 3-4 hrs, sleep in the remaining time, and sometimes dont sleep at all. am in half stupor, half delirium, have no energy, no drive for anything, have pretty much lost it. consecutively had anat part A, then part E, then physio part A, then physio part B, then bc part A, and finally tomorrow bc part B, over a span of a week, monday-saturday. so my sincere apologies for my delayed replies and/or “non-communicative”-ness, it has been just an incredibly hard time.

meri life safal ho jayegi agar main paas ho gayi. i hope, really really hope, that i do pass!

abhi mera kal last written send up hai, then 2-4 june is for the practicals. i’ll sleep tomorrow, then study.
wish me luck. good day! got to go and study!

there are times when you give up many things to make someone you care for happy. you accept all their errors, make them feel loved, supported, understood. but they, somehow, are not so flexible in their opinions and often have intense socially created rigidity, and somehow assume that every person agrees completely. when you do something which does not conform to their opinions, they fly off at you. and you cant even debate, for the simple reason that the debate is never a debate on the actual thing. their arguments are of the type: “are you nuts?”, “dont you have common sense?”, “is that the way to do it?”, “you are stupid/irresponsible/immature” and similarly qualitative statements without explaining convincingly exactly WHY you are nuts, exactly HOW you lack common sense, exactly WHAT the hell is the problem with the way you are doing it, exactly WHAT is sooo irresponsible about it as opposed to the conventional ways. the debate always moves from the point to the person. it loses its essence. it becomes pointless. and untill you tell them that yes, you agree. that yes, it was a big mistake. that yes, you are the stupidest person on earth. that yes, you are dying of guilt. they’ll go on and on and on and on and so you’ll concede artificially, feeling restricted all the while. why should another person live YOUR life? and when some unconventional things you did have big repercussions, then instead of giving you support to cope with it, they start the blame game, and untill they feel that you are brimming with guilt and that you are pretty much destroyed, they’ll make a sad face, but with a sadistic pleasure will say: oh but you DESERVE at least this!!

where can you go then, when the favour bank in which you have been depositing unconsciously suddenly deprecates your deposits and then there is nothing for you to withdraw from.

and then there are people who have an attitude that is too liberal for you. they simply do not agree that something could be a big deal for you, and so as far as they are concerned, there is nothing for which you need support.

and when you are caught between an extremely conservative being on one hand and an extremely liberal one on the other, you feel quite lonely.

i want to run, run hard, run as hard as possible, run away from people who dont give a damn. run to a place where i am important too… i want to run to my family. but will it trust me?

happy birthday Pops! here’s wishing one of the most outstanding and inspirational ppl i have ever known, a long and happy life.

i like this place, wherever it is, and i think it would be quite heavenly when in full color…

at around 1 a.m., the day of my lower limb grandstage, mum had a major anaphylactic reaction (widespread allergic rxn) coz of a medicine the dentist had recommended to her for a dental problem, and her whole body was swollen, and the situation would have been fatal had she not had the presence of mind to consume an avil at around 4 a.m. when she started finding it difficult to breathe and speak. and imagine, she did not tell either dad, thinking he needed to sleep for his office work the following morning) or me (when i was studying in the adjacent room having woken up at 2.30), thinking that i was already stressed out abt the stage. in the morning then, the dentist gave her a glucocorticoids’ injection (which is an immunosuppressant, and can be life saving in such situations), and put her on a 3-days course of avil. she is perfectly alright now.

then in the morning, the iim results got out while i was taking the theory paper, and tipsy made it to iim-k, which is like… AMAZING news, and made us all soooo very happy… its a beautiful place as he keeps on telling us, having the best campus in india, and an avg domestic salary of 14.83 lakhs, and blah blah… as he keeps on going on and on abt it.

me and ankur have again started studying together in the lib, and we intend not to get a supple, which is very very likely going by our present academic states. and today, i went to the lib for the first time in a pony thanx to all the heat, and absolutely every single friend of mine laughed, but laughed in a nice way, and besides comfort is most important, so who cares. and tomorrow is another stupid cme of the radio deptt., and thanks to gujju, we are again to sing, which is sooooo damn irritating at this point of time… but she just refuses to understand our hints.

all this heat these days, and our dependence on air conditioners makes me so so scared abt global warming.

k… bbye, gn. the reason why i did not blog yesterday is that tipu was so excited yesterday that he did not leave the net.